My Generation's Problem with Intimacy: A Response to Casey Neistat
In Casey Neistat's most recent Youtube video, published April 24th 2019, he asks two questions in response to a Washington Post article about a record high in the lack of sex had by Americans:
Are dating apps taking the place of meeting new people/lovers in real life?
Can intimacy take place on social media alone?
As a 25 year old woman, living in a big city, with three different dating apps on my phone, I do feel qualified to answer the questions above. Long short: No and No are my answers to the questions above.
When I moved from Moncton, NB to Toronto, ON I thought I would surely get a boyfriend within the first year. I was turning 24, had never had a boyfriend before, and blamed it on the smallness of my hometown. It seemed everyone knew everyone's business and I hated having so many people know personal things about me - and also knowing so much about the men I was interested in. Once I got to Toronto, I realized very quickly that the problem was not how well I knew the men I considered as dating options or sexual partners. Dating apps seem to have added to this general idea that as a society we can do better. You can constantly upgrade to the newest, better option: a new phone iteration every year, a sleeker car, a more high-tech drone, why not a better lover? It seems like no one can be satisfied anymore or is willing to work on what they already have. It is so easy to just throw anything or anyone away simply because you don't like one aspect Relationships are replaced as quickly as you can Amazon Prime anything to your house.
The majority of the times I have connected with someone online and it has been a successful friendship/relationship was based on a common interest, but for some reason that seems to only work through Instagram comments or YouTube. The first common interest you have on a dating app is filling a void, finding a partner, but it's never clear to what extent you want this partner for, which is where I find most of my efforts have fallen apart. I want something serious and most people I've been matching with just want a casual fling, stopping my quest for intimacy there. Datings apps are helping people meet, that is undeniable, but I find I connect with people more at real life experiences. Just last night Soraya and I became friends with the two people sitting beside us at a concert. I think the intimacy of sharing a moment with music, dancing your heart out to a song that moved you once in 2009, is much stronger than just swiping right and hoping they want you and not just to bone you.
Social media connects the entire world based on interests and adds a global sense of community to the world that my mom's generation certainly never had, however, my intimacy cannot be quenched by clicks and likes and texts alone. My intimacy is defined by laughter, touch, voices, the feeling when you cook for someone and anticipate how much they will like it, butterflies when you're about to see someone for the first time in a long time. My assessment is that our generation is weary of intimacy for fear of being hurt and is scared of commitment. We continue to search for the next best thing or what feels right for a fleeting moment, but we only have so many moments.
XOXO,
Cropberry
Washington Post Article: https://www.washingtonpost.com/business/2019/03/29/share-americans-not-having-sex-has-reached-record-high/?noredirect=on&utm_term=.916ac18b7816
Casey Neistat's video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wX9OLMNShPQ
Are dating apps taking the place of meeting new people/lovers in real life?
Can intimacy take place on social media alone?
As a 25 year old woman, living in a big city, with three different dating apps on my phone, I do feel qualified to answer the questions above. Long short: No and No are my answers to the questions above.
When I moved from Moncton, NB to Toronto, ON I thought I would surely get a boyfriend within the first year. I was turning 24, had never had a boyfriend before, and blamed it on the smallness of my hometown. It seemed everyone knew everyone's business and I hated having so many people know personal things about me - and also knowing so much about the men I was interested in. Once I got to Toronto, I realized very quickly that the problem was not how well I knew the men I considered as dating options or sexual partners. Dating apps seem to have added to this general idea that as a society we can do better. You can constantly upgrade to the newest, better option: a new phone iteration every year, a sleeker car, a more high-tech drone, why not a better lover? It seems like no one can be satisfied anymore or is willing to work on what they already have. It is so easy to just throw anything or anyone away simply because you don't like one aspect Relationships are replaced as quickly as you can Amazon Prime anything to your house.
The majority of the times I have connected with someone online and it has been a successful friendship/relationship was based on a common interest, but for some reason that seems to only work through Instagram comments or YouTube. The first common interest you have on a dating app is filling a void, finding a partner, but it's never clear to what extent you want this partner for, which is where I find most of my efforts have fallen apart. I want something serious and most people I've been matching with just want a casual fling, stopping my quest for intimacy there. Datings apps are helping people meet, that is undeniable, but I find I connect with people more at real life experiences. Just last night Soraya and I became friends with the two people sitting beside us at a concert. I think the intimacy of sharing a moment with music, dancing your heart out to a song that moved you once in 2009, is much stronger than just swiping right and hoping they want you and not just to bone you.
Social media connects the entire world based on interests and adds a global sense of community to the world that my mom's generation certainly never had, however, my intimacy cannot be quenched by clicks and likes and texts alone. My intimacy is defined by laughter, touch, voices, the feeling when you cook for someone and anticipate how much they will like it, butterflies when you're about to see someone for the first time in a long time. My assessment is that our generation is weary of intimacy for fear of being hurt and is scared of commitment. We continue to search for the next best thing or what feels right for a fleeting moment, but we only have so many moments.
XOXO,
Cropberry
Washington Post Article: https://www.washingtonpost.com/business/2019/03/29/share-americans-not-having-sex-has-reached-record-high/?noredirect=on&utm_term=.916ac18b7816
Casey Neistat's video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wX9OLMNShPQ
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