2020 - The Best Year of my Life

How can anyone, with the year we've had, say that it was the best year of their life? Well, I am fortunate enough to be making that statement. 

I can't say that 2020, or even my first calendar year in Ottawa was easy but it was hands down the best year I have had to date. This year I managed to rid myself of over twenty thousand dollars of debt by working two jobs. I was able to establish myself in my career while continuing to do what I love in cosmetics. Oddly enough because of the pandemic I was able to see my mom virtually more than I would have with travelling. This year I had the most growth on social media with my blog, YouTube and Instagram growing. This growth could not have happened as quickly as it did without joining the amazing Black in the Maritimes team! This opportunity will only continue to help me grow and expand my voice as a mental health and Black rights advocate. 

Although a lot of this did happen on a screen, I am extremely proud of my growth this year as an individual. Not only did I become and remain sober the entire 365 days of 2020, but I was also able to reconcile my various past traumas and rocky parental-daughter relationships into a place that felt good and prosperous. 

I think the somewhat sad reality is that I never would have accomplished all of these huge goals without the pandemic. I needed the world to completely shut down to be able to take a step back. I am the type of person who wants to constantly be on the go, and that includes going out, partying and socializing. I would've continued to fall back into the same patterns until I was forced to see what life was like sober, without bars and clubs being open. I had never been alone until my mother got sick, and once I was alone I did everything possible to be surrounded by people. Being forced to love myself, to look inward and make peace with my demons, was the most rewarding part of the year for me. 

With the lockdown forcing me to really evaluate myself, I was able to figure out who I wanted to be and how to get there. I had virtual therapy weekly all year, worked both of my jobs and tried to use my downtime to break down what I wanted out of life. The spare time allowed me to really examine the past and finally let go of any guilt, shame, and remorse I had and to see the future with a new perspective. It felt wonderful to spend a year fixing my life and knowing I was missing nothing, because everyone else had been put on pause with me. No one around me was doing better, was having fun without me, was posting or boasting about how well they were doing. Finally I felt I could catch up, move past my issues and be as successful as society has made me feel I should be at this age. 

So, awkwardly enough, thank you 2020. You slowed me down. You made me realize how valuable all lives are, especially my own. You helped me connect with my father, see my mother, be a better friend, be a better colleague, and be an overall better human. I hope 2021 will only bring me more opportunities to grow and prosper with the amazing support that I have. And I hope for you reading, that you managed to come out of 2020 unscathed. 2021 will hopefully be better for all of us, especially those who did not have as good of a year as I.

XOXO,

Cropberry